disintegrate

rate

youth jams : praise God that everything went well and i was really happy after the whole thing. i looked like a tired freak during church though due to the many songs that i had to lead. Haha. But i am glad everyone enjoyed themselves. let God be glorified in everything we do. (:

it was chalet after that at coasta sands downtown east. there was tremendous bonding for the 4 of us again - dinner at fisherman village, night swimming, walking at the park, the bridge and tai di sessions at night, the vcds we watched and all of these had to come with the price of only sleeping for a few hours. :)

so i start work tml and i am scared of the new environment i am going to work in even though it is only 4 days. I am hoping that i wont fall asleep and i will meet nice and friendly people there. i better get some sleep. :/

i am glad things are getting better. Lets hope it stays this way.

the voice of truth leads the way

- ;

there is a big growth on the back of my head.

i am going to the doctor tml. Please let it be okay so that i dont have to go for further checkups or an operation. I hope i will still be alive to go for worship practice and the chalet on sunday. Darn, i am leading dg on sunday too. My life cant be more screwed now. It has been 3 bad days in a row. :(

Please pray.

I am scared.

i am really damn scared.

in your time, i submit all to YOU

just dont look at me.

i rather the whole world
not tell me about it

ranting ;

i am feeling better now. God is in control and i am just not thinking too much now. :/

i dreamt of my A levels results ytd. i dreamt that i got triple B and a C5 for gp!!! I dont mind getting that in the real world too. Haha. Driving lessons was okay today. i got scolding for all my stoopid mistakes and i am starting to think that my instructor is damn strict. Oops. :) i hate getting scolded. :(

i preordered my hus's cd but i am on their reserved list so i may not even get the concert vcd. ARGH ARGH ARGH. thanks to june anyway. if not, i will look like an idert searching at the wrong places for the vcd. i went to shape my eyebrows and the stoopid woman went to make them look weird. huilin said it is okay but i think it is overly done. And i dont even have much to start off with. Just dont get a shock when you see me even though i dont think ur will see the big difference from far. Haha.

the new season of CSI Las Vegas rocks!! :D

a new life ahead with YOU beside me

the stigma ;

edit 01 : the added pressure from my parents. the consequences. the guilt starts to build in. the moodswings. the increasing butterflies in my stomach. the lack of control. the endless waiting.

another tough night and many more to go. sorry for been depressed. i just got alot on my mind and i am very scared i will just break down any moment. tomorrow will be a new day ahead. :D

just dont think at all.

i am hanging in there because of YOU

my eyecandy is soooo adorable!!! His cd is sooo nice and i have been listening to his songs for the past few hours. Rachel Ang, he is mine and not yours okay? Haha. (: i am not been fickleminded because he is only a EYECANDY!!! :D

i think i have gone crazy. i can feel happy one moment and the next moment, i can feel sad. I think i am getting too stress up over the release of the As. :( I think i will get nightmares for the next 2 weeks or so. I just feel helpless because i have no control over what results i will get. You just wait and wait and wait. :/

well, you just have to take one day at the time. I got a lot on my mind and it is going to be another tough week. Rely on Him, jeanette. (:

for all YOU've done for me

edit 01 : a change of events. i got upset by comments made and i felt bad for someone who has always been covering up for us. i am just having mixed feelings about everything. I dont even think i deserved to be angry or upset but why am i feeling this way? i am worried and i am scared. i am just contradicting myself now. :/ haiz, what a letdown i can be.but i will keep moving on, i have to.

help me out, Lord.

have faith

it is for YOU and not for me.

a life with YOU ;

No life my friend compares
With the beauty of the Lord,
No jewels, no gold nor silver shines,
Like the love of Him adored.

So much remains a mystery,
His work tells us so,
But it is by faith we understand,
And know which way to go.

how beautiful these lines are. i stand still and trust in what is to happen in 2 weeks time. teach me to be strong and to keep the faith. (:

there is no comparison
to what you've done for me

kbox with choi queen for the first time in my life. Haha. it is really weird to face the television and sing. Haha. :)And i cant believe i missed the m]phosis sale again! i was like two days late and this has happened for the past few years. everything inside was in a big mess and i couldnt find the flip flops that i wanted. :(

driving lessons were really scary today. i finally drove out into the main road. THAT WAS SUPER SUPER SUPER FREAKY! Haha. i was too stunned to say anything and thank God, i didnt stall out there. But i stalled the car in the circuit when i was saw two cars waiting behind me. I just lost control and forgot all about my half clutch technique. And to top everything up, it was raining cats and dogs when i was driving the car. Haha. Oh yah, i passed my advanced theory!!!! :D i am happy that i dont have to retake it anymore.

you calm the storm in me

you tell me where i can find you tell ;

went out with lynnie and pris to buy rach's present. Haha. we finally got what we wanted for her and i am really happy. eighties- remember to bring ten bucks on monday and we are eating kenny rogers suntec. Time will be confirm again. :)

pris and i went around shopping at far east and we bought damn nice tee shirts for 10 bucks each. Haha.we went into this shop and i thought that the tee shirt was sold for 16 bucks ; i tried it all and i really liked it. i wanted to buy then the salesgirl said it was 26 bucks and i nearly fainted. Haha. i didnt buy in the end and that was super embarrassing walking out of the store. :/

we cracked up when we saw this eatery store selling you tiao. they named their shop as you tell ! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. is that the english translation for you tiao? we laughed till our stomachs were damn pain. I mean, i thought that was really lame. Haha. i dont even know whether to call it innovative or dumb? oops. :/

i breathe again.

went with lynnie to career search again. Haha. she was so scared when aileen interviewed her and that was super funny. hopefully, we will get to work at the same place. :/ we got introduced to this company opp career search which was called fortrust. Basically, we could get enquires about overseas universities. Haha. i thought that was really interesting. But i doubt overseas universities will be an option to me because my parents really want me to get into local U. :/ But wouldnt it be cool to go overseas to study? AND AND AND the person i/c had to tell me that A levels results will be out in 2 weeks time!! What a way to start off your day! *faints

was super late for driving lessons and i HAD to take a cab down. That was a total waste of money. Driving lesson was good. Haha. i finally learnt how to change the gears myself. i hate it when there are cars behind me because i get nervous and i keep stalling. Haha. i cant wait for the next lesson. :)

oh yah. i bought a nice nice nice nice green gio junior shirt which is rocking my world now. Haha. Gio has gone bonkers because their new arrival tees are in different BRIGHT BRIGHT NEON COLOURS!!! they are painful to my eyes but the green polo tee looks good. I want to buy it soon. Haha. :p

the beautiful soul in you

happy valentine's day to all ;

V day was spent with eighties today. We went to tcc raffles place and the ambience was really nice. Ruth and Huilin dropped by to give me a rose. Haha. It was really weird cuz 30 mins later, ruth was sitting the other side of the restaurant with another group of friends. eighties took lots of crazy photos. They are super funny. We walked down the esplanade bridge and landed outside esplanade libraray taking more photos. This is so typical of us. :) Oh yah, each of the eighties received a stalk of rose (passionate love) and a stalk of yellow orchid ( you'll always be on my mind).I love you guys. (: Thanks for a wonderful night together.

sarah, rachel and mingyan : i wish you all could be there too. dont worry, we are meeting on next monday anyway. miss ya. (:

the heart grows fonder
but it is time for you to fly away.

free ;

and if i had wings i would fly
'cause all that i need, You are
and if the world caved in around me
to You i'd still hold on

i want to fly higher.

first day of work ;

wow. i am really super tired. i reached prudential sing post at 8.30 am and i had to wait for 45 mins before i started work. I waited at the wrong place and i looked like an idiot trying to find the actual location. Thank God the person i/c of my job was late too. Being a receptionist is pretty cool but i kind of wish that more people would call in. Haha. It is pretty boring doing nothing but picking up phone calls. ( it is even worse when there are so little phone calls to pick up.) I spent my time reading magazines and newspapers, making milo, going to the toilet and playing solitaire. :) The people there were really nice even though 3/4 of them didnt turn up at the office today. They let me off early today and i was kind of glad to pack my bag and leave. So that's it. i finally gotten my first paid check. I wish i could work there longer and not just one day.

oh yah. i met vincent too.( formal youth advisor of YES) He is working as a senior prudential advisor. Haha. Talking to him made me remember the old yf days and how things were much simpler. :/ i miss the old yf days. things have changed too much and time cant never turn back. this is reality and no matter how much i want to fly, i cant. :p

Now i see, if I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart.

chinese new year ;

fun fun fun. i got lots of hong baos this year and i won alot of money playing cards. Haha. (: went out with Key Family today to bishan. It was practically empty but the cinema was damn packed. We wanted to watch constantine but tickets were all sold out. We ended up pigging out at pasta mania and playing tai di. It was super super fun. we had to eat a slice of banana pizza with tobacco sauce, salt, pepper, cheese and chilli for every game lost. ARGH ARGH ARGH. i thought i was going to faint soon. I hope my stomach can take it. :/

so it is another night of playing cards. Cousins are coming soon and it is going to be a long night. AND i am starting work tomorrow. I hope i can wait up in time. :)

i want you and your beautiful.

if you just believe ;

next time you put on those boots, think of me
when the sad, orange dust flitters off
the cracked, ancient leather
turn away, but don't close your eyes
see the sun in the clouds
but not a cloud in the skies
and while I'm away, I'll love no one else
but I'll see white clouds
when I look at the sea
next time you put on those boots, think of me

i can visit you anytime in neverland.

thankful ;

it was a really long day and i am glad things went well today.I am going to try harder the next time around. it is all thanks to YOU above. :) Led dg for the first time and i dont know how i did. Haha. But i am glad that i tried my best. I hope they learnt something today. they are a lovely bunch. (:

watched finding neverland with yingmei today. Gosh, it is a really beautiful movie. I have not cried so much in such a long time. It is highly recommended. :) mei cried at all the parts that i didnt cry in and i cried at all the parts that she didnt cry in. We are really opposites. But i am glad that this is the first time we really enjoyed a movie together. Haha, :D i feel like watching peter pan after this. I need to rent the movie soon. if anyone wants to watch finding neverland, i wont mind watching it again!!! :D

to you : dont fly too long, okay? sooner or later, you will still have to come back to reality. Learn to rely on HIM again. i will be praying for you. i will always be here for you. (:

you make me complete

the uncertainty ;

will i ever be satisfied?
will i ever be able to put YOU before me?
will i ever be able to realise that it is your expectations and not mine?
will i ever be able to say let go, let God?

be still.

driving lessons ;

i had to travel all the way down to queensway for my first driving lesson.i stalled the car 5 times and it is scary when the car jumps or jerks. But driving is fun!!! Haha. Of course it is 100 times harder than driving a daytona car. :/ There was this stoopid purple car that had to overtake me at the junction. I panicked because i was just about to make a left turn and it was soooo close to my car. ARGH ARGH ARGH. Why cant people be more understanding towards a new driver? *faints.

catching-up session no.3 ;

i had 2 hours to kill before i met choi queen. I stood at hmv watching jay's live vcd concert and i watched finish everything already. Haha. Now, i dont have to spend money to buy the vcd already. Had a great time catching up with choi queen and we watched Alfri starring Jude Law. *drools. I think the show is really super super nice. I kind of liked it better than shall we dance. Haha. :)

you are my source and my salvation
nothing compares to you.
all of my days, i long to know you more.
holy spirit, pour down like water
i am hungry for your touch
each breath i take, i give my all to you.

the inner joy that comes from you.

i love you, eighties. :D

Time
Look at where we are
And what we've been through
Time
Sharin' our dreams (sharin' little, little life with you)
Time goes on and on everyday
Time is what it is come what may

had a great time catching up at coffee club. Though the food sucked, it was still wonderful to see you all again. i realised that i missed ny even more now. :/ Thanks for the precious moment figurine. Yeah :)

June lee, thanks for the pretty pouch. You even chose one with butterflies. Haha. You are not too bad after all! Haha. eh, your jay's cd is super hard to take out. i am scared that i will spoil your cover. Haha. :D

i changed my layout again. Haha. i guess this is what you do when you are really bored at home. It keep me preoccupied and time passes super fast. :D I like this alot so i dont think i will change for a very long time. So lets hope that this will last.

Received a last min call from @ss and i rushed down to raffles place mrt to meet up with my sec school classmates. It was great because we had a good time catching up and laughing at all the wonderful memories. We went to tcc clarke quay and the place was really cozy with all the beanie bags to sit on. I wanted to sleep in it after awhile. Ya, we took lots of photos after that. Yeah. :/ Lets hope that there will be more catch-up sessions soon. :)

01/02

was supposed to meet mingyan ytd at tanjong pagar but we din meet in the end. she dumped me and i met her on the train later with weiquan! Haha. How conicendental is that? And she was wearing the same tee shirt after meeting her 3 times last week. DIAOZ. i kept laughing in the train like a sicko. Haha. :)

went to cut my hair at tampines storm with huilin. i dont think ur will be able to see a difference in the hair length but my fringe is sooo much shorter now. I am happy. :D the hairdresser destroyed huilin's hair and now she has to put tons of hair gel so that her hair wont stand up. :P

Huilin suggested taking neoprints ( which has never happened before!) and the neoprints were destroyed , thanks to this irritating sec school girl. You see, we were supposed to choose the sizes of the neoprint (eg. 12, 16) and we didnt know it was supposed to be done outside. we went outside and there was this girl who was just busy pressing and playing with the buttons. By time i realised it, time was up to choose anything. ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH. we got this 4 super big neoprints which was pathetic. AND AND AND she refused to admit that she pressed the buttons. I would have ~~hoot~~ her on the spot. :(